"Home is Where Your Heart Is: How to Keep Your Influence" Jack Keating

Cicero United Methodist Church August 5, 2007 Acts 16: 16-34

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Imagine for a minute that a man is hired to coach a professional baseball team - the New York Yankees, for example. But he decides not to go to the ballpark for all the games. He only shows up for the games that are played on the weekends and then he doesn't even attend all of those. When he is at the ballpark, he offers no direction to the players. For example, it's the bottom of the ninth and the Yankees are behind one run. There are runners on first and third bases. The team needs to know what to do. Should we use a pinch-hitter? Should we bunt to advance the runners? Should we try to steal a base? Should we try for a sacrifice fly? The players look to their manager for a decision but alas, he's sitting in the dugout watching his favorite soap opera on television. "Do whatever you think is best," he tells his players. "My job is to make sure you have plenty of bats and baseballs; I make sure the lawn here at the park looks good, that the team bus is running; and that you have brand new uniforms to wear. I've done my job ... now go out there and win." Needless to say, his team doesn't stand a chance. When they finish the year with a losing record, the manager then bursts into the owner's office and says, "This is all your fault! How could you let this happen to me? What have I ever done to you?" Can you imagine a manager of a major league team doing his job this way?

The sad truth is, this is the way most men in America today manage their team - their family. Men, by and large, have not lived up to their responsibility to their families, and as a result, their families are falling apart. The Bible makes it clear that the man is to be the spiritual leader of his family. The Spiritual Leader. That doesn't mean he's a bully, or a dictator, or a tyrant. He is to be spiritual, and he is to be a leader.

Now guys, I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty. The fact is, nothing in our society prepares us for this role, and it is a very difficult role to fill. But it can be done, even when you start from scratch. Today we're going to look at a story of how a man became the spiritual leader in his household. I'll tell you right now how he did it: he led by his own example. The result was that he was filled with joy and his whole family life was revolutionized.

Here's the story. Paul and Silas were preaching in the town of Philippi. They raised an awful lot of noise and ended up in trouble with the city officials, who ordered them to be stripped, beaten, and thrown in jail. The city officials told the jailer to guard Paul and Silas carefully. So the jailer decided to put them in a dungeon and placed them in stocks. Late into the night Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns loud enough for all to hear. And suddenly there was a mighty earthquake that shook the foundations of the jail. The doors all flew open and everyone's chains came loose. The jailer (who probably lived next door to the jail) panicked. It was his job to guard Paul and Silas, and now it appeared they had escaped. He knew his punishment would certainly be a slow, painful death, so he took out his sword and prepared to take his own life. At this point Paul called out to him, "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!"

This was probably more than the jailer could take. He had been intrigued, I'm sure when he heard Paul and Silas singing hymns after they had been beaten and bound. Now they had a chance to escape and they didn't! And he suddenly realized that there was something in their life that was sadly lacking in his own. He asked them, "What must I do to be saved?" Paul answered, "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved - you and your whole household." Before the night was through, the jailer and his family had all committed their lives to Christ and had been baptized in his name.

The story of the jailer ends here, but in these few short verses we can see four examples he set for his family that helped him establish himself as the spiritual leader of his home. If you want to give your family the leadership they need - if you want to coach a winning team - these are four examples they need to see in you. First ...

1. Take a Spiritual Inventory.

Every man must ask himself, "Where do I stand spiritually? Where is my own relationship with God?" During my ministry more than one man has told me that his wife handles the religion in the family. Many parents send their children to church and Sunday School because they think the kids will learn good moral lessons here - and of course they will - but the lessons will loose their impact if the children don't see evidence of your own spirituality.

The salvation of the jailer's household began with his own realization that he was spiritually empty and needed something in his life. So he asked Paul, "What must I do to be saved?"

In the late 1990s then Senator Connie Mack spoke at the National Prayer breakfast held in Washington, DC. He admitted that he had always found it difficult to ask his wife to pray with him. He said, "There was a void in my life - a part of me that I was not dealing with." In search of something more, he decided to start attending the weekly Senate prayer breakfast. Then, in October of 1995, he moved his chair to the center of the room, where his colleagues surrounded him, laid their hands on his shoulders, and prayed for him. He has since said, "On that day I began the process - began the process - of turning my life over to God."

Spiritual leadership begins with taking a personal spiritual inventory, and beginning the process of letting God have control of your life. A second way to lead your family by example is ...

2. Treat Others with Dignity.

Paul and Silas were the jailer's responsibility, and at first the jailer did the very least he had to do in order to take care of them. They had been stripped, severely beaten, and sent to jail. The jailer's response was to toss them into a dungeon and shackle them. He wasn't concerned that they were bruised and bloody; he was more concerned with his own well­being. Then, during the night, he had a spiritual awakening. What did he do next? (v.33) At that hour the jailer took them home and washed their wounds.

Paul and Silas were still his prisoners; he couldn't set them free. But he did treat them with dignity and compassion: he washed their wounds. He could have done that when they were first thrown into his jail, but he was different man then. A spiritual man treats others with dignity.

In his autobiography, Norman Vincent Peale tells a story about his father that taught him a great lesson in the dignity of others. They were walking down the street in Cincinnati on Christmas Eve. A dirty, ragged man approached Norman, asking for a handout. Norman shook the man off and kept going. His father said, "Never treat a man like that, Norman." Then he reached into his wallet and said, "Go after that man and say to him, 'Sir, I give you this Christmas gift in the name of our blessed Lord Jesus Christ.'" Norman said, "Oh Dad, I don't want to do that." His father was firm, "Go on and do as I tell you." So Norman ran up the block, stopped the beggar and said, "Sir, I give you this Christmas gift in the name of our blessed Lord Jesus Christ." The man looked surprised, and then with a bow said, "Young man, I accept your gift in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." As he said these words, Norman said a wonderful smile illuminated his face and dignity seemed to possess him. Later, his Dad asked him what he had learned from the experience. Norman said, "I saw the man he really is." And his father replied, "Always remember, and never forget: Jesus Christ can make men and women the best they can be."

A man once told me "My father views everyone as an opponent, and all social interaction as competition. He is always afraid someone is going to get the best of him./I Can you see how this attitude prevents the father from having a spiritual influence on his children? The third way to lead your family by example is ...

3. Practice Generosity.

(v. 34) The jailer brought them to his house and set a meal before them.

The jailer went above and beyond his call of duty by bringing prisoners into his home and feeding them. Remember, they were living in a culture that didn't take meals lightly. Food wasn't always in abundance, and men had to be protective of what was in the cupboard. In doing this, he made a point for his family to see: "My new religion makes a difference in the way I share with others."

A woman once made an offhanded remark to me that was more significant than she may have realized. She said that for years her ex-husband had been a "deadbeat" dad, always behind on his child support and never available to his children. She said, "But now he's really religious and pays his child support on time." In fact, she complained that now her kids want to be with him every weekend so they can go to church with him - a real imposition on her schedule.

There is a connection between your attitude toward money and your ability to influence your family. A woman in a former church of mine said, "My husband spanks the children for leaving lights on." The man probably thinks he's "running a tight ship" but in reality he is sowing seeds that will destroy his credibility with his children. When they are old enough to reason things out for themselves they will resent his miserliness and his cruelty.

Now of course there is a difference between generosity and irresponsibility, and your children have to learn these lessons. But if your family constantly gets the message that money is more important to you than anything else, you will have a hard time providing leadership to them in other areas of life. A fourth way you can lead your family by example is ...

4. Practice Obedience.

(v. 33) immediately he and all his family were baptized.

The first step in following Christ is identifying with him in baptism. Baptism symbolizes among other things that you are dying to an old way of life, and rising to walk with Christ in a new way of life.

The jailer showed his family that when it came to obeying Christ, he was going to lead the way by his own example. It stands to reason that if he was willing to be baptized in the middle of the night, he was also willing to be obedient in other areas of his life.

If you want to lead your family by the example of your obedience, here are some areas where you might get started:

• Attend Church. Obviously you all get an "A" on this one today!
• Pray with Them. This may seem difficult to do at first, since prayer is such a personal thing and we men are terminally macho. Begin, at least then, to say prayers at mealtime.
• Have a family devotion. This usually causes parents, and especially fathers to panic. It also can cause many children to be overcome with a sense of dread, I guess! But it doesn't have to be that way. To begin with, if your family is too active to be at home at the same time every night, start with having devotions once or twice a week. And it doesn't have to be like a church service. Don't be rigid about it, let them offer input. Try telling them, "We're definitely going to have some devotional time together. What are your suggestions for how we do it?"
• Serve with them. Give your family the opportunity to see you serving others - in a ministry here at church, in a soup kitchen, in a short-term missions trip, or some other kind of mission activity.

It is important that your family hear you say: "I do these things because God wants me to do these things, and to the best of my abilities I will do what he wants me to do."

We all want to manage a winning team, right? Every father wants to have a positive influence on his family. That goes without saying. But understand: You cannot be a positive influence without being a spiritual leader. And there is only one way to accomplish this - you lead by example.

You are called to be the spiritual leader of your family that means you've got to be spiritual. For some of you that means like Senator Connie Mack, you need to bow your head in prayer and begin the process of turning your life over to God. For some of you it means that you need to begin showing your family an example of obedience. For some of you it means you need to make some changes in the way you treat others, and in your attitude toward money. For all of us today it means that we must answer the challenge to lead our families by example. You've been given a team to manage. You can have a winning team, if you're willing to be the example they need for you to be.

In 1958, Rev. Billy Graham wrote these profound words for us to consider:

"Children will invariably talk, eat, walk, think, respond and act like their parents. So give them a good target to shoot at. Give them a goal to work toward. Give them a pattern which they can see clearly, and you give them something that gold and silver cannot buy."

My prayer for all of you this week is that you too give your own team an example to follow that will help them to be a winning team ... in God's eyes. Amen.